Apparently you make a good broom.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You took a bar mat shot.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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