...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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