Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
