Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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