scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
