Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
