Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
