That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
