i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
