I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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