i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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