Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
