Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
