I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
