I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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