I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
