Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
