Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
