Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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