If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
