Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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