Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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