so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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