no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
