Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
