sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Even my vagina gasped.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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