Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
