i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
