is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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