2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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