What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We need to get me chipped asap
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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