I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
