my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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