Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
