I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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