Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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