I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
