You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
