I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
