I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
