Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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