fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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