Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
