Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
