The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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