i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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