I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
