When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF