Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.