Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
