I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
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Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.