why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
