There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
