All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
