I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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