maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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