actually, I'm a sock model
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
