Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
