I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
