I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
