i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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