whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize