I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize