so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
