Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
