Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
