I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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