She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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