I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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