i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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