oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
