The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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