fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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