Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
