WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
