i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
