I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had to cum in my sink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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