Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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