Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
