I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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