fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
