so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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